Money & Relationships: Guest post from Know Longer Single

money & relattionships KnowLongerSingle

I’d like to introduce you to my blogger friends, fellow relationship bloggers Daryl and Dominique!  This week the Know Longer Single Youtubers have provided a guest post response to my article Money, How Much Does it Matter in a Relationship?

In the original post we asked the following questions and readers from around the country wrote in their responses on the topic of money & relationships.  Does it matter how much money your significant other makes?  Ladies, does it matter if a man makes significantly less money than you?  Would you date a guy who made less money?  If so would you marry him, all other things considered?  Men, does it matter to you how much money a woman makes?  If a woman made more money than you would that be an issue?

A few of the reader responses included:

“Money is as much about power and identity as it is about money. It’s less about who has the money, but more about, given our different values, how can we make this work… forever? ” –Female, 34, Houston, TX

“Money equates freedom to me. Freedom to venture, leisurely travel, give back, invest, build a business together, etc…..a lack of financial security and independence along with a drive to succeed are deal breakers.”                                           – Female, 33 – Chicago, IL

“It is not a problem to me if a woman makes more money than I do.  However, she needs to be cognizant of the limitations of my disposable  income.”   – Male, 32, Washington D.C.

Daryl & Dom are always fun to watch with a great dynamic and enlightening perspective.  Here’s what they had to say on the topic of money & relationships!

Daryl and Dominique met in 2015 and have been inseparable ever since. They both love to travel and are foodies at heart.  On their youtube channel Know Longer Single they give relationship advice while helping people navigate through the “single” phase of their lives and teaching them how to do life as a unit with their significant other.

You can find more of KnowLongerSingle at:

Instagram: #knowlongersingle

Facebook: Know Longer Single

Should Single Women Wait 90 Days Before Having Sex?

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If you grew up in a religious household like I did then you were probably told that

good girls wait until marriage.”

Then there was the 6th grade health teacher who told us that

“sex is the greatest gift you’ll ever give to a partner and so you should cherish your virginity and give it to the right person.” 

Her advice was so loosely interpreted that some girls started plotting the loss of their virginity before the end of the class period.

And then there’s Steve Harvey and his 90-Day Rule.  If you haven’t read his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man Steve’s 90 day rule encourages women to wait 90 days before having sex with a man.  The 90 days is compared to the 90 days one must wait to receive benefits at a new job.  He argues that just as a new employer requires vetting time before investing in health insurance and fringe benefits for an employee a woman should require some vetting before giving away sexual benefits.

In this article I’m going to share my opinion and then I’d like to hear yours.  I want to emphasize first that this is only my opinion, and if you disagree that’s cool, no judgement.

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Why People Cheat & Why It Doesn’t Matter if They Do

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I really hate the Maury show.  When it isn’t paternity test, he’s giving someone a lie detector test to see if they were cheating.  If in fact the person passes the lie detector the couple is all of a sudden happy again, hugging and kissing on television.  But how is it forgivable that your partner distrusted you so much that  they brought you on Maury for a lie detector test?  And if you are the accuser, how did you go from months of distrust and anger to instant love and happiness upon finding out your partner hasn’t cheated.  It just makes no sense.  Any couple with this many trust issues has deeper problems than whether or not someone is cheating.  This is why I argue that it doesn’t matter whether or not your spouse or partner is cheating.  If you suspect they are, you already have a a big problem.

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Man Bashing: The Danger in Listening to It

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If someone compliments my dress I’m likely to respond with a disclaimer.  “Oh thanks, but I need to hem it”.  The disclaimer is so unnecessary.  A simple thanks would suffice.  I do this in almost every category of life.  At work, when I’ve done good work and its complimented I’m quick to deflect.  It’s annoying and I’m working on stopping.  But the one area where it’s more than just annoying, is when talking about your significant other.  Downplaying, giving disclaimers or even deflecting the positive can be downright harmful when it comes to discussing your partner.

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The Mess of Two Dresses: Don’t Let Your Wedding Ruin Your Marriage

The Mess of Two Dresses- Don't Let Your Wedding Ruin Your Marriage

My husband and I had a short 4 month engagement and an under $6,000 wedding.  As a former wedding videographer, I’d attended hundreds of weddings.  I’d even seen couples storm out of their receptions in separate cars, furious with one another under the heightened stress of too much spending and the imperfections of the big day.  Wedding photos were beautiful but behind the scenes a lot of shit went down.  I always knew that if I ever got married, I’d keep things simple, small and drama free.  I didn’t want the frustration of a year of wedding planning to stray my fiance and I away from the ultimate goal of marriage.  Unfortunately, some drama is harder to avoid that we think.   Patiently Waiting to Get Engaged

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Online Dating According to Freakonomics

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Where are single people supposed to meet prospects?  In a lifetime we will only meet 10,000 people, and you’ve probably discovered by now that after completing your highest level of education (whether it be HS, college or graduate school) the rate at which you meet people significantly decreases.  Over the years I’ve met new friends through the workplace, but dating in the workplace is frowned upon.  There’s lots of reasons to “not sh*t where you eat”.   For these reasons many people consider trying online dating.  Online dating provides a huge database of opportunity to filter and meet potential matches.  The idea of it sounds fantastic, but if you’ve tried it you may have found it’s more frustrating that you initially thought it might be.

Is there a science behind online dating?  Are there strategies to utilizing these massive databases effectively? As a huge fan of Freakonomics and the idea of using economics to measure and predict real life processes and social situations I was thrilled to find a podcast all about Online Dating.  What You Don’t Know About Online Dating.
This podcast is great and you should definitely listen for yourself, but in the meantime, here are a few highlights I picked up:

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How Assertive Can Women Be in Dating?

How Aggressive Can Women Be in Dating make the first moveAre you doing too much, not enough or just the right amount when it comes to dating?  This is such a difficult question to answer.  But let’s start by making one thing clear.   We won’t all agree on how much is too much, and this is a good thing.  It’s good because it means you shouldn’t focus too hard on “messing it up”.  Have you ever had that feeling?  Like you met the perfect person but then you tried too hard and you messed it all up?  Or maybe you didn’t try hard enough and you messed it all up?  This was the story of my dating life. “if only I had, woulda shoulda, coulda, etc.”  But what I eventually realized is that (within reason) with the right person, you can’t mess it up.  All your “extra” that everyone else thinks is too much, will be charming and likeable.  And likewise, even if you’d done everything perfect and exerted the exact right amount of efforts, it wouldn’t work with the wrong person.  It just wouldn’t.  So what then, is the harm in doing too much?

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Be Happy NOW! Don’t Postpone Your Happiness

Hello ladies,

I’m Nora Nur from the relationship blog Love From the Other Side.  I am honored to be a participant in the Women_Who_Empower_ challenge that has been running June 15, 2017 – June 30, 2017.  For the past week or so the ladies in the challenge have been working toward personal development through goal setting, meditation, journaling, positive thought and so much more.  If you haven’t yet joined the challenge go check it out on the Instagram page women_who_empower_.    Today I was featured to discuss maintaining positive personal development while pursuing and/or maintaining a romantic relationship. 

Below are 3 ideas to know and practice daily to help you do this:

#1 Happiness is not a “when event” – Be Happy Now

Happiness is not a WHEN event - be happy now

Sometimes we say to ourselves,  “I’ll be happy when I have a healthy romantic relationship”,  or “I’ll be happy with myself and feel beautiful when I lose 20 lbs”.   The problem with this thinking is that the when event either never occurs or it occurs and we still don’t feel happy.  Our happiness should not be conditional upon future events.  If you aren’t happy single, then when the novelty of a new healthy relationship wears off you will go back to being unhappy.  Likewise if you don’t feel beautiful and happy with yourself now, when the novelty of the new weight loss is gone you will go back to feeling discontent.  Dig deeper.  Find inner peace in the right now, and learn to love yourself and your life as it is right now.

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Are you Apologizing Too Much in your Relationship?

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Last night I spilled a 16 ounce bottle of ice water in the master bed while we were laying down watching a movie.  “Move” I screamed, jumping as fast as a six month pregnant woman can jump.  The water was swimming pool cold and all 16 ounces of it had made it’s way out of the bottle, onto the sheets and comforter and was now soaking into the mattress.  “I’m so sorry” I told my husband, expecting him to be pissed.  But to my surprise he was cracking up laughing.  He wasn’t even slightly upset.  He thought it was hilarious.  We grabbed towels, soaked up the water as best we could, then changed the bedding.  A few minutes later we were back in bed continuing the movie.

We’ve been together four years now yet somehow I still forget just how much it takes to make him upset.  He never gets mad over accidental mishaps, and it takes a lot in general to get him upset.  He doesn’t understand why it’s so hard for me to understand this.  The answer lies in the past.

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Dating During Ramadan: How I Fell In Love with My Husband

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For those that are unfamiliar, Ramadan is a religious month of fasting observed by Muslims.  During the month Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset abstaining from food and water.  Additionally, Muslims should practice prayer, positive thought, charity and increased empathy toward the poor.  Purpose of Fasting During Ramadan   Ramadan uses the lunar calendar which is two weeks shorter than the solar calendar.  As a result, the month of Ramadan occurs two weeks earlier each year relative to the business calendar.  For example Ramadan, in 2013, the year I met my husband started July 9th and ended August 8th.  Now four years later Ramadan of 2017 began May 27 and will end  June 25.  It takes 26 years for the month of Ramadan to cycle the solar calendar.  The advantage to this rotation is that Muslims practicing Ramadan all over the world will have an opportunity to experience both long summer fast and short winter fast.  When I was a teenager Ramadan was in December and the days lasted only 11-12 hours.  Now that it is in the summer, the days last 16-17 hours.  So what’s all of this have to do with dating?  10 Things I Want Non-Muslims to Know About Being Muslim

table-covered-glass-cutlery-128875When you are single you meet people however, wherever and whenever you meet them.  Throughout my twenties I would often meet a new person and begin dating them months or weeks before the start of Ramadan.  Then Ramadan would start and suddenly I’d be less available.  I couldn’t accept brunch invitations, early dinner dates, or stay out super late.  I also wanted to avoid hot summer festivals since I couldn’t drink water during the day.  Being so unavailable for an entire month, near the start of a new dating relationship usually caused whatever was starting to end before it even really began.  And with Ramadan falling in the summer months (August – May) for quite a number of my relevant dating age years this really posed as a problem.   Continue reading