Are you fixing the right person? How investing too much in significant others can be detrimental to your own growth.

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Call me petty but I once calculated how much money I had spent on a significant other.  A bad breakup and a bit of spite brought the math teacher out in me. My total spent in just 8 months was somewhere near $4k including dates, gas and car maintenance for the hour drive to his house, speeding and toll violation tickets, gifts, and etc etc.  What the hell right?!  That’s sheer tomfoolery!  Don’t Get Surf & Turfed this Valentine’s Day: 5 Ways to Protect Your Wallet   If it helps to know I was only twenty-three and had a ton to learn.   So, with that said, how do we know if we are investing too much in the wrong person?  And what qualifies as an investment?
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3 Steps to Finding Love & Overcoming Social Media Comparisons

 

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Original Article by BeThatWoman:  You can Master Your Current Level by Finding the Beauty in Your Now

I spent my twenties exhausted by Facebook comparisons, watching Facebook status’s change from single to in a relationship to engaged.

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To make matters worse I worked as a wedding videographer filming wedding ceremonies and receptions every Friday and Saturday night.  I spent the week with Facebook open in one window and my Final Cut Pro timeline in the other.  It didn’t help that most of my editing happened in my childhood bedroom.  In other words, I hadn’t yet reached enough financial stability to move out of my parents’ house.  In short, Facebook was a butting reminder that I was losing at life. Relationship Envy: 5 Ways to Avoid it

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10 Ways to Be More Attractive & Confident

Confidence is everything.  In a job interview we need to show that we are confident and capable of possessing the skills to get the job done.  Dating is no different.  Whether it’s a first date, or an opportunity to meet someone new in a crowded room we need to exude confidence.  Confidence is above all the sexiest trait you can take into a room.  So how can you increase your confidence and attractiveness?

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I’ve Never Been More Pro-Choice

I've Never Been More Pro-Choice

I woke up with night sweats, disoriented.  It took a moment to realize the walls weren’t blue, the bed wasn’t a twin.  This wasn’t my high school bedroom.  The man next to me wasn’t my high school boyfriend and my senior year wasn’t starting in September.  My chest was so tight, each breath a struggle, my pulse racing.  Did my mother know yet?  Had I told her?  I would miss the first month of my senior year.  How would I pay for a baby sitter while I was at school?  What if breastfeeding was difficult? Could I afford formula?  My breathing must of woke him.  “You’re okay”, he mumbled from his sleep, reaching over to hold me and baby.  Confused I asked, “we have money? You’re happy?  You want this baby?”.  “Yes”, he mumbled pulling us closer. Continue reading

Love is Not a Marriage – A Response to J. Bernice from the Blog Outrage to Reform

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This week’s blog post is a response to the article “Love is Not a Marriage” by J. Bernice from the blog From Outrage To Reform. It includes quotes and excerpts but be sure to read the original article in it’s entirety.

I believed whole-heartedly, I still believe, that marriage should always follow love (although it doesn’t necessarily precede it). I believe this whole-heartedly, although I understand in ways that I never dreamed I’d understand a) that we can’t always marry the people we love, b) that we shouldn’t always, c) and that love in itself is not a marriage, no matter how much we might wish it.    Marriage, I imagine, requires something much, much more.”        -J. Bernice

 I met him in the smoke-filled club on Thirsty Thursday. Our first dance, was T-Pain’s “I’m in Love with a Stripper”.  At last call he was still there, asking me to be his Valentine.  It had been fun, but I couldn’t. I overshared.  “I just broke up with someone, and it was my fault, so no, I can’t.”  I told him.  “Me too”, he said with sincerity.  I wanted to know more.

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Relationship Envy: 5 Ways to Avoid it

Relationship Envy

Most of us have experienced relationship envy before. The friend in your circle who everyone swore would be the last to get married just got engaged.  Your girlfriends always plan social hangouts in pairs now.  It isn’t that you aren’t happy for those around you absorbed in romantic relationships. But if you are single it may be putting a serious damper on your current single social life.  Furthermore, you might be a bit frustrated that it still isn’t your turn yet.  And if you’re in a relationship the realness of it might not feel so great against the idealistic imagery of the perfect couples around you. So how can you avoid relationship envy?

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Intercultural Dating: Unforeseen Challenges and Expectations

Intercultural Dating

The first time I tried intercultural dating was in college.  I dated a Nigerian.  I remember the American black guys asking why I didn’t like black guys.  I was confused. Wasn’t I dating a black guy?

The day of our college graduation two significant things happened.  First, his parents flew in and stayed at the campus family guest house.  His mom cooked a big Nigerian meal for everyone.  All seven of the Nigerian girls on campus came over filling the kitchen with Yoruba and Pigeon banter as they helped his mother cook.  I sat next to my friend Jenny, a blond haired blue eyed white girl, and her Indian boyfriend, another intercultural couple.  We suffered through a shared plate of Nigerian food, as tears ran down our faces from the spices.  I knew it was spicy when my Indian friend kept pushing the plate off on me.  If he thought, it was spicy I didn’t stand a chance.

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Heartbreak, When it Feels Like Dying: 10 Steps to Overcoming a Bad Breakup

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“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.” – A Tale of Two Cities

I’ll never forget the summer of 2010, the summer of heartbreak , financial struggle and pain.  Like a good parent does to every child afraid of the water, my mother had finally pushed me out of her rent free house and into a rather shallow public pool.  Yet still I was barely floating my $600 rent despite my three part-time jobs, my least favorite of them driving a van around town to pick up kids from six different schools and deliver them to afterschool care.  At the top of her lungs, Jessica’s crackly 8-year-old voice screeched the lyrics drowning out Beyonce.

I used to want you so bad,
I’m so through with it,
Cause honestly, you turned out to be the best thing I never had
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“Sit down and put your seat belt back on,” I yelled.  “This isn’t American Idol, sit down!”.   Jessica was that precocious only child who probably spent too much time watching grown women be grown.  What did she know about heartbreak anyway?  What did she know about laying on your hardwood floor of your studio choking on your own breath, or dry heave vomiting, or sleeping excessively because it’s the only place where you can alter reality?  What did she know about heartbreak so incredibly painful you weren’t sure if you weren’t actually physically dying?

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Money, How Much Does it Matter in a Relationship?

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This week’s Perspective Wednesday piece is all about the money!  Does it matter how much money your significant other makes.  Ladies, does it matter if a man makes significantly less money than you?  Would you date a guy who made less money?  If so would you marry him, all other things considered?  Men, does it matter to you how much money a woman makes?  If a woman made more money than you would that be an issue?   For this weeks article, I invited some readers to send in their anonymous answers.  I’ve also included my response. Continue reading