The Essential Year Off After Divorce

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This week’s Perspective Wednesday piece is a guest post from BeThatWoman from the Women’s Empowerment blog BeThatWoman.net. 

Life after divorce can either be exciting or scary. It really depends.  If you wanted the divorce, it may serve as a relief and an opportunity to start over.  But if you were caught totally off guard you may feel devastated by the idea of having to date again. For me, it was a little of both.  The reason for my divorce was that I got sick of the abuse. After the divorce a mixture of mental, emotional, and physical abuse left my self-esteem in the dumps. While I felt a sense of relief from getting away from that toxic marriage, I was also terrified and dreading having to put myself out there in the dating scene, especially with four kids.

I was given advice by several people to take at least a year to be by myself before I tried dating again. “You need to find yourself.” they would say. “I don’t want to wait. I have been through hell and I am ready to be loved. I want to meet someone who is going to treat me right and love and respect me like I deserve.” I would reply back.

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3 Steps to Finding Love & Overcoming Social Media Comparisons

 

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Original Article by BeThatWoman:  You can Master Your Current Level by Finding the Beauty in Your Now

I spent my twenties exhausted by Facebook comparisons, watching Facebook status’s change from single to in a relationship to engaged.

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To make matters worse I worked as a wedding videographer filming wedding ceremonies and receptions every Friday and Saturday night.  I spent the week with Facebook open in one window and my Final Cut Pro timeline in the other.  It didn’t help that most of my editing happened in my childhood bedroom.  In other words, I hadn’t yet reached enough financial stability to move out of my parents’ house.  In short, Facebook was a butting reminder that I was losing at life. Relationship Envy: 5 Ways to Avoid it

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I’ve Never Been More Pro-Choice

I've Never Been More Pro-Choice

I woke up with night sweats, disoriented.  It took a moment to realize the walls weren’t blue, the bed wasn’t a twin.  This wasn’t my high school bedroom.  The man next to me wasn’t my high school boyfriend and my senior year wasn’t starting in September.  My chest was so tight, each breath a struggle, my pulse racing.  Did my mother know yet?  Had I told her?  I would miss the first month of my senior year.  How would I pay for a baby sitter while I was at school?  What if breastfeeding was difficult? Could I afford formula?  My breathing must of woke him.  “You’re okay”, he mumbled from his sleep, reaching over to hold me and baby.  Confused I asked, “we have money? You’re happy?  You want this baby?”.  “Yes”, he mumbled pulling us closer. Continue reading

Intercultural Dating: Unforeseen Challenges and Expectations

Intercultural Dating

The first time I tried intercultural dating was in college.  I dated a Nigerian.  I remember the American black guys asking why I didn’t like black guys.  I was confused. Wasn’t I dating a black guy?

The day of our college graduation two significant things happened.  First, his parents flew in and stayed at the campus family guest house.  His mom cooked a big Nigerian meal for everyone.  All seven of the Nigerian girls on campus came over filling the kitchen with Yoruba and Pigeon banter as they helped his mother cook.  I sat next to my friend Jenny, a blond haired blue eyed white girl, and her Indian boyfriend, another intercultural couple.  We suffered through a shared plate of Nigerian food, as tears ran down our faces from the spices.  I knew it was spicy when my Indian friend kept pushing the plate off on me.  If he thought, it was spicy I didn’t stand a chance.

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Money, How Much Does it Matter in a Relationship?

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This week’s Perspective Wednesday piece is all about the money!  Does it matter how much money your significant other makes.  Ladies, does it matter if a man makes significantly less money than you?  Would you date a guy who made less money?  If so would you marry him, all other things considered?  Men, does it matter to you how much money a woman makes?  If a woman made more money than you would that be an issue?   For this weeks article, I invited some readers to send in their anonymous answers.  I’ve also included my response. Continue reading

10 Things I Want Non-Trans People to Know About Being Transsexual

10 Things I Want Non-Trans People to Know About Being Transsexual

This Perspective Wednesday’s Guest Post was written by Warren Oaks

When I was in preschool, and interacting for the first time with persons outside my immediate family, I realized something was different about my peers and I, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I knew that I was a girl, because my parents had told me so, but it just didn’t sync with…whatever it was that was going on inside of me. There were twins at the preschool, Luke and Mark, and I felt more like myself when they included me in their games and interactions. Something about being included with the boys felt right.

Whatever was different about me, I concluded that it needed to be hidden or corrected, so my childhood and teenage years were spent trying on different identities and personas in an attempt to find something that I felt comfortable in. I grew my hair to a ridiculously long length, tried to be “girly,” tried to be funny, tried to be vulgar, tried to be sullen, tried to be introverted. The closest I got to something that felt right was the “tomboy persona,” but for reasons I didn’t understand, it still just didn’t work.

What I did not know at the time was that I am a transsexual—a person whose body and associated gender role don’t synchronize with their sense of self. It wasn’t until late middle school or early high school that I was introduced to the concept, and then the identity shuffle became an exercise in deflecting any possible attention away from who I really was.

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10 Things I Want Non-Muslims to Know About Being Muslim

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My senior year of high school I went to the ACT-SO art competition in Miami, Florida. I went as a regional winner for visual arts along with 10-15 other students from my high school and nearby schools and a few parent chaperones. We loaded a coach bus headed for the airport and before we took off, one of the parent chaperones suggested we bow our heads in prayer. I quietly bowed my head, praying it would be a generic prayer. “Lord Jesus Christ, our holy savior, we pray in your name, we pray that we arrive safely…..” Uncomfortable I lifted my head, dismissing myself from the prayer. As a Muslim, I don’t believe that Jesus (peace be upon him) is God or the son of God, and thus such a prayer opener made me highly uncomfortable. Later in the trip, a parent chaperone asked me what church I attended. When I told her I was Muslim, she asked offended, how it was possible that I didn’t “believe the lord Jesus Christ had died for my sins”, she then told 18 year old me, that I would “go to hell” if I didn’t come to accept this. At 18 I was soft spoken with a reverence for all adults. I didn’t know how to respond to such a statement so I didn’t respond at all. Continue reading