Should Single Women Wait 90 Days Before Having Sex?

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If you grew up in a religious household like I did then you were probably told that

good girls wait until marriage.”

Then there was the 6th grade health teacher who told us that

“sex is the greatest gift you’ll ever give to a partner and so you should cherish your virginity and give it to the right person.” 

Her advice was so loosely interpreted that some girls started plotting the loss of their virginity before the end of the class period.

And then there’s Steve Harvey and his 90-Day Rule.  If you haven’t read his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man Steve’s 90 day rule encourages women to wait 90 days before having sex with a man.  The 90 days is compared to the 90 days one must wait to receive benefits at a new job.  He argues that just as a new employer requires vetting time before investing in health insurance and fringe benefits for an employee a woman should require some vetting before giving away sexual benefits.

In this article I’m going to share my opinion and then I’d like to hear yours.  I want to emphasize first that this is only my opinion, and if you disagree that’s cool, no judgement.

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Online Dating According to Freakonomics

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Where are single people supposed to meet prospects?  In a lifetime we will only meet 10,000 people, and you’ve probably discovered by now that after completing your highest level of education (whether it be HS, college or graduate school) the rate at which you meet people significantly decreases.  Over the years I’ve met new friends through the workplace, but dating in the workplace is frowned upon.  There’s lots of reasons to “not sh*t where you eat”.   For these reasons many people consider trying online dating.  Online dating provides a huge database of opportunity to filter and meet potential matches.  The idea of it sounds fantastic, but if you’ve tried it you may have found it’s more frustrating that you initially thought it might be.

Is there a science behind online dating?  Are there strategies to utilizing these massive databases effectively? As a huge fan of Freakonomics and the idea of using economics to measure and predict real life processes and social situations I was thrilled to find a podcast all about Online Dating.  What You Don’t Know About Online Dating.
This podcast is great and you should definitely listen for yourself, but in the meantime, here are a few highlights I picked up:

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Best and Worst Places for a 1st Date

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Contrary to popular belief modest first dates are better than extravagant first dates for several reasons.

The most extravagant first date I ever went on was to a lounge in Chicago.  I ordered a drink that came with a Bunsen Burner contraption.  My date ordered a drink that came in a plastic air filled pillow.  He had to pop the pillow which was filled with lavender aroma to get to the drink.  It was an experience to say the least.  Afterwards, we went to a jazz lounge to hear live music.  The night was spectacular and I went home smitten.  So why would I discourage extravagant first dates?  Here’s why:

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“You Won’t Find Love Until You Love Yourself” and Other Hurtful Bullshit

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Originally published on Thought Catalog: thought catalog article

If you’re single maybe you’ve been told this recently, and if you’re not single, then perhaps folks have moved on to, “When are you getting married?” or “When are you having kids?”.  Regardless of your status, people in our lives for some reason see an urgency to progress things even further and tell us how to make that happen. My favorite of the cliché advice and questions is by far, “You won’t find love until you love yourself”. 

For years, I heard this unsolicited advice from so many people.  It was always said with the best of intentions, intentions to encourage self-love, self-investment and betterment.  But as a single person, after about the 5th time you’ve heard this, it starts to sound like annoying bullshit.  You think, I do love myself!  Shit, the longest relationship I’ve ever had is with myself.   I’ve forgiven myself for shitty things I’ve done, underperformance, losses.  I’m proud of my success in life thus far, my academic accomplishments, my career progress, etc.  I treat myself well with a healthy diet and regular exercise.  I’m totally Team ME.

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Is Fear Your Biggest Barrier to Finding Love? a guest post for BeThatWoman.net

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Sometimes we all “do way too much” to disguise and ignore our overwhelming fears. Fear of deserving, fear of exposing ourselves and fear of failure are our biggest barriers to finding love.

The most embarrassing dating feedback I’ve ever gotten was from my doorman. A year of small talk encounters and subtle observations had collectively made my doorman a bit too comfortable and in my business.  It was Valentine’s Day and I was walking through the lobby with a 4 ft x 6 ft painting.

“Look”, I said proudly. “I made this for my boyfriend”. 

“It’s really nice”. the doorman replied. “But….”.

Read the entire post at  BeThatWoman.net

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Dating Disasters: Facebook, a Gas Station & Thanksgiving Dinner

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At $2.98 per gallon, counting the 12 gallons I’d just put into my small sedan and the additional five gallons pooled around my ankles, I’d spent a mere $51 on gas.  In retrospect I should rejoice that this mishap occurred some seven years ago before gas prices nearly doubled in Chicago.  It was Thanksgiving day and my Facebook pen pal turned late night phone comrade had finally become a real live acquaintance.  He was a Senegalese international student by way of Paris, by way of Connecticut.  He spoke French, a bit of German, the traditional language of Wolof and of course English.  If his mirage of linguistic talents wasn’t enough to catch my interest he’d certainly caught my attention with his tall, dark and handsome physique.  He was what you’d imagine the prince of Zamunda to really look like, if such a place actually existed, and such a man could realistically make it past the many local suitors he’d have lined up to actually “Come to America”.

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Are you fixing the right person? How investing too much in significant others can be detrimental to your own growth.

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Call me petty but I once calculated how much money I had spent on a significant other.  A bad breakup and a bit of spite brought the math teacher out in me. My total spent in just 8 months was somewhere near $4k including dates, gas and car maintenance for the hour drive to his house, speeding and toll violation tickets, gifts, and etc etc.  What the hell right?!  That’s sheer tomfoolery!  Don’t Get Surf & Turfed this Valentine’s Day: 5 Ways to Protect Your Wallet   If it helps to know I was only twenty-three and had a ton to learn.   So, with that said, how do we know if we are investing too much in the wrong person?  And what qualifies as an investment?
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3 Steps to Finding Love & Overcoming Social Media Comparisons

 

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Original Article by BeThatWoman:  You can Master Your Current Level by Finding the Beauty in Your Now

I spent my twenties exhausted by Facebook comparisons, watching Facebook status’s change from single to in a relationship to engaged.

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To make matters worse I worked as a wedding videographer filming wedding ceremonies and receptions every Friday and Saturday night.  I spent the week with Facebook open in one window and my Final Cut Pro timeline in the other.  It didn’t help that most of my editing happened in my childhood bedroom.  In other words, I hadn’t yet reached enough financial stability to move out of my parents’ house.  In short, Facebook was a butting reminder that I was losing at life. Relationship Envy: 5 Ways to Avoid it

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10 Ways to Be More Attractive & Confident

Confidence is everything.  In a job interview we need to show that we are confident and capable of possessing the skills to get the job done.  Dating is no different.  Whether it’s a first date, or an opportunity to meet someone new in a crowded room we need to exude confidence.  Confidence is above all the sexiest trait you can take into a room.  So how can you increase your confidence and attractiveness?

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Love is Not a Marriage – A Response to J. Bernice from the Blog Outrage to Reform

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This week’s blog post is a response to the article “Love is Not a Marriage” by J. Bernice from the blog From Outrage To Reform. It includes quotes and excerpts but be sure to read the original article in it’s entirety.

I believed whole-heartedly, I still believe, that marriage should always follow love (although it doesn’t necessarily precede it). I believe this whole-heartedly, although I understand in ways that I never dreamed I’d understand a) that we can’t always marry the people we love, b) that we shouldn’t always, c) and that love in itself is not a marriage, no matter how much we might wish it.    Marriage, I imagine, requires something much, much more.”        -J. Bernice

 I met him in the smoke-filled club on Thirsty Thursday. Our first dance, was T-Pain’s “I’m in Love with a Stripper”.  At last call he was still there, asking me to be his Valentine.  It had been fun, but I couldn’t. I overshared.  “I just broke up with someone, and it was my fault, so no, I can’t.”  I told him.  “Me too”, he said with sincerity.  I wanted to know more.

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