Best and Worst Places for a 1st Date

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Contrary to popular belief modest first dates are better than extravagant first dates for several reasons.

The most extravagant first date I ever went on was to a lounge in Chicago.  I ordered a drink that came with a Bunsen Burner contraption.  My date ordered a drink that came in a plastic air filled pillow.  He had to pop the pillow which was filled with lavender aroma to get to the drink.  It was an experience to say the least.  Afterwards, we went to a jazz lounge to hear live music.  The night was spectacular and I went home smitten.  So why would I discourage extravagant first dates?  Here’s why:

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“You Won’t Find Love Until You Love Yourself” and Other Hurtful Bullshit

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Originally published on Thought Catalog: thought catalog article

If you’re single maybe you’ve been told this recently, and if you’re not single, then perhaps folks have moved on to, “When are you getting married?” or “When are you having kids?”.  Regardless of your status, people in our lives for some reason see an urgency to progress things even further and tell us how to make that happen. My favorite of the cliché advice and questions is by far, “You won’t find love until you love yourself”. 

For years, I heard this unsolicited advice from so many people.  It was always said with the best of intentions, intentions to encourage self-love, self-investment and betterment.  But as a single person, after about the 5th time you’ve heard this, it starts to sound like annoying bullshit.  You think, I do love myself!  Shit, the longest relationship I’ve ever had is with myself.   I’ve forgiven myself for shitty things I’ve done, underperformance, losses.  I’m proud of my success in life thus far, my academic accomplishments, my career progress, etc.  I treat myself well with a healthy diet and regular exercise.  I’m totally Team ME.

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Is Fear Your Biggest Barrier to Finding Love? a guest post for BeThatWoman.net

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Sometimes we all “do way too much” to disguise and ignore our overwhelming fears. Fear of deserving, fear of exposing ourselves and fear of failure are our biggest barriers to finding love.

The most embarrassing dating feedback I’ve ever gotten was from my doorman. A year of small talk encounters and subtle observations had collectively made my doorman a bit too comfortable and in my business.  It was Valentine’s Day and I was walking through the lobby with a 4 ft x 6 ft painting.

“Look”, I said proudly. “I made this for my boyfriend”. 

“It’s really nice”. the doorman replied. “But….”.

Read the entire post at  BeThatWoman.net

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Dating Disasters: Facebook, a Gas Station & Thanksgiving Dinner

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At $2.98 per gallon, counting the 12 gallons I’d just put into my small sedan and the additional five gallons pooled around my ankles, I’d spent a mere $51 on gas.  In retrospect I should rejoice that this mishap occurred some seven years ago before gas prices nearly doubled in Chicago.  It was Thanksgiving day and my Facebook pen pal turned late night phone comrade had finally become a real live acquaintance.  He was a Senegalese international student by way of Paris, by way of Connecticut.  He spoke French, a bit of German, the traditional language of Wolof and of course English.  If his mirage of linguistic talents wasn’t enough to catch my interest he’d certainly caught my attention with his tall, dark and handsome physique.  He was what you’d imagine the prince of Zamunda to really look like, if such a place actually existed, and such a man could realistically make it past the many local suitors he’d have lined up to actually “Come to America”.

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Are you fixing the right person? How investing too much in significant others can be detrimental to your own growth.

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Call me petty but I once calculated how much money I had spent on a significant other.  A bad breakup and a bit of spite brought the math teacher out in me. My total spent in just 8 months was somewhere near $4k including dates, gas and car maintenance for the hour drive to his house, speeding and toll violation tickets, gifts, and etc etc.  What the hell right?!  That’s sheer tomfoolery!  Don’t Get Surf & Turfed this Valentine’s Day: 5 Ways to Protect Your Wallet   If it helps to know I was only twenty-three and had a ton to learn.   So, with that said, how do we know if we are investing too much in the wrong person?  And what qualifies as an investment?
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3 Steps to Finding Love & Overcoming Social Media Comparisons

 

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Original Article by BeThatWoman:  You can Master Your Current Level by Finding the Beauty in Your Now

I spent my twenties exhausted by Facebook comparisons, watching Facebook status’s change from single to in a relationship to engaged.

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To make matters worse I worked as a wedding videographer filming wedding ceremonies and receptions every Friday and Saturday night.  I spent the week with Facebook open in one window and my Final Cut Pro timeline in the other.  It didn’t help that most of my editing happened in my childhood bedroom.  In other words, I hadn’t yet reached enough financial stability to move out of my parents’ house.  In short, Facebook was a butting reminder that I was losing at life. Relationship Envy: 5 Ways to Avoid it

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10 Ways to Be More Attractive & Confident

Confidence is everything.  In a job interview we need to show that we are confident and capable of possessing the skills to get the job done.  Dating is no different.  Whether it’s a first date, or an opportunity to meet someone new in a crowded room we need to exude confidence.  Confidence is above all the sexiest trait you can take into a room.  So how can you increase your confidence and attractiveness?

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Love is Not a Marriage – A Response to J. Bernice from the Blog Outrage to Reform

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This week’s blog post is a response to the article “Love is Not a Marriage” by J. Bernice from the blog From Outrage To Reform. It includes quotes and excerpts but be sure to read the original article in it’s entirety.

I believed whole-heartedly, I still believe, that marriage should always follow love (although it doesn’t necessarily precede it). I believe this whole-heartedly, although I understand in ways that I never dreamed I’d understand a) that we can’t always marry the people we love, b) that we shouldn’t always, c) and that love in itself is not a marriage, no matter how much we might wish it.    Marriage, I imagine, requires something much, much more.”        -J. Bernice

 I met him in the smoke-filled club on Thirsty Thursday. Our first dance, was T-Pain’s “I’m in Love with a Stripper”.  At last call he was still there, asking me to be his Valentine.  It had been fun, but I couldn’t. I overshared.  “I just broke up with someone, and it was my fault, so no, I can’t.”  I told him.  “Me too”, he said with sincerity.  I wanted to know more.

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Relationship Envy: 5 Ways to Avoid it

Relationship Envy

Most of us have experienced relationship envy before. The friend in your circle who everyone swore would be the last to get married just got engaged.  Your girlfriends always plan social hangouts in pairs now.  It isn’t that you aren’t happy for those around you absorbed in romantic relationships. But if you are single it may be putting a serious damper on your current single social life.  Furthermore, you might be a bit frustrated that it still isn’t your turn yet.  And if you’re in a relationship the realness of it might not feel so great against the idealistic imagery of the perfect couples around you. So how can you avoid relationship envy?

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Heartbreak, When it Feels Like Dying: 10 Steps to Overcoming a Bad Breakup

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“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.” – A Tale of Two Cities

I’ll never forget the summer of 2010, the summer of heartbreak , financial struggle and pain.  Like a good parent does to every child afraid of the water, my mother had finally pushed me out of her rent free house and into a rather shallow public pool.  Yet still I was barely floating my $600 rent despite my three part-time jobs, my least favorite of them driving a van around town to pick up kids from six different schools and deliver them to afterschool care.  At the top of her lungs, Jessica’s crackly 8-year-old voice screeched the lyrics drowning out Beyonce.

I used to want you so bad,
I’m so through with it,
Cause honestly, you turned out to be the best thing I never had
,”

“Sit down and put your seat belt back on,” I yelled.  “This isn’t American Idol, sit down!”.   Jessica was that precocious only child who probably spent too much time watching grown women be grown.  What did she know about heartbreak anyway?  What did she know about laying on your hardwood floor of your studio choking on your own breath, or dry heave vomiting, or sleeping excessively because it’s the only place where you can alter reality?  What did she know about heartbreak so incredibly painful you weren’t sure if you weren’t actually physically dying?

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