Do you know what your passion is? I’m not asking what your career or job is, I’m asking about your passion, your purpose.
My purpose is to process information and then deliver it in a way that helps people to understand, digest and apply it. In my day job fractions is my forte. I teach high school equivalency classes to adults. I like teaching math the most, specifically fractions because it’s the topic I least understood in grade school. What makes me great at teaching it now is that I can remember why I didn’t understand. I get the disconnect.
Relationship blogging is the same thing. I remember vividly all the things I didn’t understand about dating, all the misconceptions I had about the opposite sex, and most imperatively all the things I hadn’t yet learned about myself. I can remember all of my ah ha moments, a decade of truth bombs. But more important than just remembering, I get the disconnect.
Like learning fractions, learning about love can be bitterly painful. I love the idea that by screaming on the page week after week, “Yo I f’cked up” I can have a moment with someone whose still in it. I can say, “I knew even less than you about love!” “I was dense. I was repetitively bad at love, but somehow I figured it all out and you will too. Keep going! Stop guilting yourself, laugh at yourself, and keep trying.”
Doing this is the highlight of my week. Closing the disconnect is my passion. And having a passion is one of the most essential ingredients to my happiness.
Here’s why you need to find your passion before you fall in love:
Having a Passion Gives You Your Own Life
For years I thought marriage, and motherhood would be the key to my happiness. And yes, having a long-term partnership, and being a parent can bring you insurmoun
table happiness. But both involve a love of sacrifice and giving. Both marriage and parenthood are very unselfish acts. Somewhere in all that selflessness you need something of your own. Who am I besides his mother or his wife? What am I proud of outside of these people, outside of these roles? When you think about your passion try to have a Game of Thrones moment. Pretend you’re Khaleesi, Breaker of Chains, Mother of Dragons, Protector of Realm, Daenerys of the House Tagaryen, the Unburnt, etc.etc. I laugh so hard every time I hear her announced with her plethora of titles. But seriously, take that much pride in your passion. Be linguistic with it. Talk it up if even only to yourself.
I am Nora Nur, relationship blogger, lover of love, closer of disconnects, master of words, happiness helper, self-proclaimed relationship guru, truth teller, Hollywood love denouncer, the hashtag realtalker
I’m being silly, but you get the gist. Have fun with it! Take pride in your passion. Let it be your selfish thing, that you own outside of all the selfless giving you do.
Having a Passion Makes it Easier to Invest in Yourself
Falling in love is a fast-moving train even if it doesn’t result in marriage. If you don’t already have a passion, then the object of your affection can quickly become your passion. Being too passionate about your love interest can be bad. It can lead to investing too much in your significant other.
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” -Jim Rohn
This is unfortunately very true. If you don’t have a plan for yourself or a passionate commitment it is so easy to get swooped up into someone else’s plan, especially when you have feelings for that someone. It’s easy to quickly forget yourself, and spend all of your time investing in someone else. Even if this someone eventually becomes your spouse, you still aren’t living one life. You are living two lives together. While your partner may be willing to equally invest in you, support your dreams, and sacrifice when needed, how can they if you aren’t yet doing this for yourself? At some point you will have to spend time discovering your own passion, your own unique abilities worth flourishing. At some point you have to be the leading actress in your own movie! It’s never too late, it’s just a lot easier to do if you start before you fall in love, get married and/or start a family.
Having a Passion Increases Your Self-Worth
Defeat decreases our self-worth. If you played sports as a kid or did any competitive activities then you are used to winning and losing. You probably handle defeat well. But if you are like me, then you dramatically throw checker boards and monopoly pieces while screaming “You cheat at Playstation!” (Yes that’s a Boondocks reference). I hate
defeat of any kind. Unfortunately dating is a series of defeats until finally you win one. It blows, and all of that defeat can certainly affect your psyche. You may start to think of all the reasons why you keep “losing” in love. At one point I thought, hmmm, I’m like an 8 who operates at a 6. My hair is whack, my clothes aren’t sleek, my nails stay chipped, and I give off this vibe of artistic eccentric intrigue that by date two is discovered to be basic starving artist. Needless to say, I was really hard on myself. But the more defeat I faced, the more I wallowed in this self-doubt. Once a boyfriend told me I didn’t make enough money. It crushed me, despite the fact that I had a shortlist of reasons why the relationship wasn’t working for me either. Without a passion, I had nothing to define myself beyond relationship rejections, low bank balances and career stagnation.
When I discovered my talent, not as a blogger, but as a communicator, a storyteller, a liaison, a closer of disconnects my self-worth started to grow. I became passionate about this unique ability. It wasn’t that no one else could do these things, it was that no one would do them exactly as I would. The more I explored and invested in my passion, the more success I had in life. At work I excelled in middle management because of my ability to be a liaison between teachers and upper management. I saw the disconnects and closed them. Success at work gave me more confidence, and confidence is attractive. I also had more money, to fix the things in my physical appearance that made me feel like “an 8 operating at a 6”. Confidence kept rising. The more I invested in myself, the more my self-worth increased, the happier person I was and the more I attracted positive things and people. I also realized that the initial attraction men had for me wasn’t my eccentric artistic intrigue, it was small glimpses of my inner passion. But at that time I was so filled with self doubt that by the second date that initial light of passion had extinguished.
Having a Passion Makes You Happier Before and After the Relationship Begins
It is not the responsibility of a significant other to make you happy. A good partner will constantly try to do things to make you smile, but it is not their responsibility. You are the only person responsible for your happiness. Throw out statements that start like this: I’ll be happy when…
I get it, being single can be lonely. First, we leave our nuclear family, siblings pair up, roommates move out and get married, best friends start their own families and we become not the center of anyone’s world. At least this is how I felt. When my best friend got married and had a baby, I quickly realized that I came after her husband and child. This is the way it was supposed to be yet still it stung. I thought, once I’m married and I’m the center of someone’s world again THEN I’ll be so happy. But happiness is not a when event, nor is it a destination. Happiness is a coming and going experience that we chose to create for ourselves. Being passionately engaged in life, your role in life, your ability to make an impact in the world or even your community will make you happier right now with or without romantic love. The problem with waiting to be happy is that it’s unattractive in the right now, and it puts too much pressure on future situations. Being happy now, being passionately engaged, being confident and boisterous about your passion is incredibly attractive. And being attractive will attract great things in life, love, career, and etc.
Having a Passion Helps You Understand Who You Are and What You Value
Last but not least, having a passion helps you understand who you are and what you value. Many people have tales of meeting their spouse on a church or volunteer mission trip while others meet in the service or Peace Corps. But it can be subtler than this. For example, my passion “being the connector of disconnects” let’s me know that I really value people and relationships. It’s important to me to be with someone who also values this. One of the things that let me know in my gut, that my husband was “the one” was how he interacted with wait staff at restaurants. He learned their names, asked about their days, and always left generous tips. He valued people and relationships.
So how do you find your passion if you haven’t already found it? Great question! First stop thinking it needs to end in an -er (teacher, banker, lawyer). Your passion can be but doesn’t have to be your career. Your passion is something you are innately good at and super excited to be even better at. It’s that thing that people always compliment. Once you find it, you can decide how to use it. As a filmmaker I used my passion to help non-profits tell their story in order to increase fundraising. As a teacher I use my passion to help people understand fractions. As a blogger I use my passion to heal hearts, build self-confidence and help people find love and independent happiness. You can use your passion however you choose, and that can change over the years. The important thing is that you find your passion. Everyone has one.
I hope you enjoyed reading this! Below in the comments share with me your passion Khalessi style. Make me laugh!