12 Biggest Dating Mistakes I Made Before Marriage

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Today’s article list 12 Dating Mistakes I made and what I learned from them.  If one in particular stands out for you, be sure to click on the linked article to read even more on the topic.

#1 Investing too much too soon

In my early to mid 20’s my life was a mess.  I was not financially independent, I bounced between apartments and jobs.  While I should have been spending all of my time investing in myself, I thought I had time, money and effort to invest in men I was dating.  For example: After only 2 dates, I agreed to do a pro-bono project for a guy.  When the project was finished so was the guy. I was pissed with no one to blame but myself.  Furthermore the project did not lead to future paid work. Are you fixing the right person? How investing too much in significant others can be detrimental to your own growth.

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Black, Muslim & Tired

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 Love From the Other Side is a relationship blog geared at helping people find and maintain healthy, happy relationships.  But ever so often I feel inclined to write a Perspective piece. Through these pieces I tell my story or give someone else a platform to tell their story.  It is my hope that in sharing perspectives we increase our love and understanding for one another. If you enjoy this piece be sure to read more of the Perspective pieces linked at the end of this article.

4th gradeWhen I was 8 years old my family moved from the all black Southside of Chicago to the all white South Suburbs.  At age 8 I could not distinguish the difference between black and white.  I had 1 or 2 white teachers at my school but because of the vast variety in shades of black I assumed these teachers were light skinned black people.  It wasn’t until we moved to the all white suburbs that I discovered race.  In the summertime white kids wanted to compare their suntanned arms to see if they’d caught up to my brown.  Year round their tiny fingers spent time in my hair as they marveled over my course texture. Adults would at least ask, “Can I touch your hair?”.   The thing that bothered me the most however was the critiquing of my speech.  “Say car, say milk.”  Or from the adults it was, “You speak so well” as my proper grammar exceeded their expectations of a child from the ghetto South side.  My mother was a teacher, how was I supposed to speak? By 5th grade I’d learned to pronounce “milk” as “melk” and soften my hard r’s in words like “water” or “car”.

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What Happens When You’re Trapped In A Back-Shelf Relationship

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Originally published on Thought Catalog

A back shelf relationship is when you have that guy or girl lurking in your background for sometimes years.  Maybe you’ve never actually had a full on committed relationship with this person, but they’re always somewhere on your roster, somewhere in the background.   It’s your fallback guy/girl.  When a relationship ends, and you need comfort you might run to that person or rekindle a flame.  You might consider even giving a relationship with them a real shot.  But can it ever really work?  Can your back shelf relationship become a long lasting legitimate relationship?  Can it even become a marriage?

4 Reasons We Hold on to Back Shelf Relationships

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