Why People Cheat & Why It Doesn’t Matter if They Do

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I really hate the Maury show.  When it isn’t paternity test, he’s giving someone a lie detector test to see if they were cheating.  If in fact the person passes the lie detector the couple is all of a sudden happy again, hugging and kissing on television.  But how is it forgivable that your partner distrusted you so much that  they brought you on Maury for a lie detector test?  And if you are the accuser, how did you go from months of distrust and anger to instant love and happiness upon finding out your partner hasn’t cheated.  It just makes no sense.  Any couple with this many trust issues has deeper problems than whether or not someone is cheating.  This is why I argue that it doesn’t matter whether or not your spouse or partner is cheating.  If you suspect they are, you already have a a big problem.

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Man Bashing: The Danger in Listening to It

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If someone compliments my dress I’m likely to respond with a disclaimer.  “Oh thanks, but I need to hem it”.  The disclaimer is so unnecessary.  A simple thanks would suffice.  I do this in almost every category of life.  At work, when I’ve done good work and its complimented I’m quick to deflect.  It’s annoying and I’m working on stopping.  But the one area where it’s more than just annoying, is when talking about your significant other.  Downplaying, giving disclaimers or even deflecting the positive can be downright harmful when it comes to discussing your partner.

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The Mess of Two Dresses: Don’t Let Your Wedding Ruin Your Marriage

The Mess of Two Dresses- Don't Let Your Wedding Ruin Your Marriage

My husband and I had a short 4 month engagement and an under $6,000 wedding.  As a former wedding videographer, I’d attended hundreds of weddings.  I’d even seen couples storm out of their receptions in separate cars, furious with one another under the heightened stress of too much spending and the imperfections of the big day.  Wedding photos were beautiful but behind the scenes a lot of shit went down.  I always knew that if I ever got married, I’d keep things simple, small and drama free.  I didn’t want the frustration of a year of wedding planning to stray my fiance and I away from the ultimate goal of marriage.  Unfortunately, some drama is harder to avoid that we think.   Patiently Waiting to Get Engaged

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Online Dating According to Freakonomics

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Where are single people supposed to meet prospects?  In a lifetime we will only meet 10,000 people, and you’ve probably discovered by now that after completing your highest level of education (whether it be HS, college or graduate school) the rate at which you meet people significantly decreases.  Over the years I’ve met new friends through the workplace, but dating in the workplace is frowned upon.  There’s lots of reasons to “not sh*t where you eat”.   For these reasons many people consider trying online dating.  Online dating provides a huge database of opportunity to filter and meet potential matches.  The idea of it sounds fantastic, but if you’ve tried it you may have found it’s more frustrating that you initially thought it might be.

Is there a science behind online dating?  Are there strategies to utilizing these massive databases effectively? As a huge fan of Freakonomics and the idea of using economics to measure and predict real life processes and social situations I was thrilled to find a podcast all about Online Dating.  What You Don’t Know About Online Dating.
This podcast is great and you should definitely listen for yourself, but in the meantime, here are a few highlights I picked up:

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How Assertive Can Women Be in Dating?

How Aggressive Can Women Be in Dating make the first moveAre you doing too much, not enough or just the right amount when it comes to dating?  This is such a difficult question to answer.  But let’s start by making one thing clear.   We won’t all agree on how much is too much, and this is a good thing.  It’s good because it means you shouldn’t focus too hard on “messing it up”.  Have you ever had that feeling?  Like you met the perfect person but then you tried too hard and you messed it all up?  Or maybe you didn’t try hard enough and you messed it all up?  This was the story of my dating life. “if only I had, woulda shoulda, coulda, etc.”  But what I eventually realized is that (within reason) with the right person, you can’t mess it up.  All your “extra” that everyone else thinks is too much, will be charming and likeable.  And likewise, even if you’d done everything perfect and exerted the exact right amount of efforts, it wouldn’t work with the wrong person.  It just wouldn’t.  So what then, is the harm in doing too much?

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