A friend of mine posted in her status a few days ago that she saw someone promoting a seminar entitled, “Break Free from Singleness”. She then asked us two great questions, “Is singleness a prison that we have to get released from? Are we trapped in some way?” I thought these were such great questions, and a great response to what sounds like a ridiculously titled seminar. In fact I was inspired to blog about it. Quick disclaimer, I have been married for almost 1 year now, and marrying my husband was one of the best decision I’ve ever made. However, for a full decade before that I was single, dating and desiring marriage, sometimes for the wrong reasons.
Anyone who knows me well, can attest that I REALLY, REALLY wanted to get married. My reasons why changed over the years. When I was a teenager, I imagined by 26 I’d be married, by 28 I’d have my first child, the 2nd child at 30, the 3rd at 32 and a possible 4th at 34. Marriage and motherhood were just as much markers of success as was finishing college, grad school and getting a good job. I associated marriage with home ownership, and other markers of “adulthood”. At 25 however, I was still bouncing between my parents’ house and bed bug infested studios, working odd jobs, and barely paying my bills. I was also quite relationship challenged.
By age 28, just three years later, things were looking up. I had a solid job that paid well, included benefits, and realistic opportunity for advancement. I lived in a great neighborhood in an awesome apartment. I no longer needed marriage as a marker to make me feel more adult. Paying bills on time, hosting dinner parties and get togethers in my lovely home, affording overseas vacations, and having career stability with growth opportunities for income increases and future home ownership checked off most of my self-defined superficial boxes of what it meant to be an adult.