Should Women Have a “Hoe Phase”?

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Recently some ladies asked me my opinion on whether or not single ladies should have a “hoe phase”.  At first, I was hesitant to bring this topic to the blog, but if we are gonna talk, let’s talk right?!

Instead of asking the question, is it okay to have a promiscuous or “hoe” phase, we should rather ask if we can handle it.  After all whose permission are we really asking?  God?  Society?

In most religious schools of thought God says wait until marriage to have sex.  Why is this?  Honestly, I don’t think that God thinks sex is shameful or that He’s overly obsessed with our chastity.  I think God just doesn’t want us to end up on Maury.  He doesn’t want us to be burdened with baby daddy drama, STDs, infidelity and broken hearts.  He wants us to find true love, a committed loving monogamous relationship.

Society will always have mixed views.  Some of society will call a promiscuous woman a hoe, a homewrecker, an immoral woman.  Some of society will call a promiscuous woman liberated.  After all, why should women be extra virginal saints when men can openly chase skirts and brag about it. But we shouldn’t be promiscuous just to say “f*ck you” society and your double standards.  Again, we have to ask ourselves, can we handle it?

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Should You Date a Man with Potential?

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“He got that ambition, baby, look at his eyes
This week he moppin’ floors, next week it’s the fries”

We’ve all laughed at the famous Kanye verses, but when it comes to dating someone with “potential” where do we really stand?

I used to pride myself on not being a gold digger, so much so that I frequently dated broke men.  Some were musicians, artists or entrepreneurs who frequently talked about their grand aspirations.  The hype sounded great in the first few dates, I was always intrigued and inspired by their stated ambition.  But after months of hanging out it was clear that the “ambition” was little more than talk without any tangible plans or work ethic.  Yet still I was weary to write off all artist and entrepreneurs as I was one myself.

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3 Love Lessons Learned from the Birth of My Child

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The thing about motherhood is that you discover this new spectrum of love and pain you never knew existed. You never knew the capacity of love could stretch so far nor the depths of pain. It makes your heart raw, exposed.  It’s terrifying. But once it’s happened, once you know this new depth of love you can’t unknow it, you can’t unfeel it, you can’t unwant it.

With the birth of my son came 3 life changing love lessons:

#1 You are stronger than you know

“He’s tangling in his umbilical cord,” the doctor said calmly. “I know you didn’t want a Cesarean birth, but this is what we need to do right now”.  Eight or nine doctors rushed into the room and quickly wheeled me down a hall.  “Will I be awake or asleep? Awake or asleep?” I mumbled as doctors lifted me from one table to another and strapped me down.  This is the last thing I remember before waking up in a new room to my mother and husband. Continue reading

Dating Tips for Single Women from a New Mom

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Sometimes I reminisce about my 20s dating life.  A song comes on the radio and a memory flashes. I see  myself precariously treading in heels through the  icy parking lot of a banquet hall.  The bitter January breeze bites the back of my neck as I contemplate the clanking of closing car doors ahead.  What did it take to be one of those women – the women whose men knew it was only acceptable to let them out at the front door. I’m envious, no embarrassed. Still embarrassed in my recollection I’m awaken by the frustration of a suckling baby.  It’s 3 A.M.  I feel irrational resentment for my husband’s useless nipples.  If only we could both breastfeed.  My milk production is still low, and so the baby needs a bottle.  I open the fridge to find one has already been made.  I forgive him a bit for his useless nipples.

As a new mom my new life is hashtag hectic!  Teamwork in marriage has a new meaning.  And while our marriage and new parent teamwork is far from perfect, it does make me appreciate and value a few things.  I consider the low criteria I set in my dating years and how the results of that could have been catastrophic in a marriage speak less in parenting.   Simply put there are some things that absolutely matter in a dating relationship, if you expect to have a shot at surviving the challenges of marriage and family.    Why Do People Say Marriage is Hard?
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7 Things to Consider Before Entering an Interfaith Marriage

Things to Consider Before Entering an Interfaith Marriage
Guest Post by Ryan Worlds from the blog FoodLoveMe/FoodHateMe
Originally  I wanted to title this post, “how to succeed in an interfaith marriage” but it’s only been 7 years.  And that’s the tough thing about marriage, right? It’s til death do us part.   We don’t call it a success until it’s over!  LOL!
I however, did date my husband for 10 years and we’ve now been married for 7 years.  After all that time I do believe I’ve learned a lot about being in a relationship with someone of a different religion.
 
Some people would say “life is already so hard, don’t complicate it further by marrying someone of a different faith”.  And you know what, in some ways, I agree. At 19 I didn’t care about that and I didn’t understand the importance of it.  By the time I was thinking about marriage I was already in love with my husband and I couldn’t just walk away.   I suspect that if you are reading this, then perhaps you are in a similar predicament.  Maybe you are asking yourself …”Am I doing the right thing? Can an interfaith marriage really work?
I’ve thought about this a lot and I believe there are 7 major questions/ideas you should consider when you’re debating marrying someone of a different faith.

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Blog-aversary – Celebrating 1 Year of Blogging

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This month marks the 1 year blog anniversary for LoveFromtheOtherSide.com!

In honor of this, I’d like to highlight my top 5 favorite blog post.  If you discovered the blog later in the year you may not have read these post yet.  Enjoy!

#1 –  If Not Love Then What? 6 Reasons Why I Married Him Other Than Love

love1Six months before I got engaged my friend asked me if I wanted to marry my boyfriend now husband. I said yeah and she asked why. After five minutes of me explaining and no usage of the word “love” she looked at me confused and said…”and because you love him right?”

I was surprised I hadn’t actually said the L word in my long-winded rant, but slightly more annoyed that she insistently needed me to. I did love and am in love with my husband very much, but love wasn’t why I married him nor why I wanted to at the time. Before him I’d been “in love” at least 3 times and claimed love more times than I can remember yet I’d never been married. Love simply isn’t enough to warrant marriage. So if not love then what? If love isn’t enough to equate marriage what are the other ingredients?    Continue Reading

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Are Your Dating Expectations Too High?

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How do you know if your dating expectations are too high?  You can start by understanding what your criteria currently is.

In my early 20s my dating criteria looked like this:

  • Physical attractiveness
  • Personality compatibility
  • Common interest
  • Intelligence

As you get older you might find that you value different things more or less and your dating criteria adapts.  In my late 20s my criteria had evolved to include:

  • Financial Stability
  • Religious compatibility
  • Cultural compatibility
  • Attentive & affectionate
  • Tactful & Kind
  • Humble
  • Marriage oriented

Having criteria is great. It ensures you aren’t dating arbitrarily or purposelessly and it helps to make sure you aren’t setting the bar too low.  But how do you know your expectations aren’t too high?  The Taboo Question: Is Purposeful Dating Still Okay?

Here are 4 ways you can evaluate your expectations to consider if they are too high:

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Why do people say marriage is hard?

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Why do married people say that marriage is so hard?  This is the question I asked myself repeatedly before getting married.  Were they all just in bad marriages?  Surely my marriage would be different.  What could be so hard about spending your life with your best friend?  Shouldn’t that be easy?

I have now been married for 1 year and 7 months.  I think marriage is a gift from God. It is the best thing I could have done, and I love my spouse more than words can express……BUT…..  MARRIAGE IS HARD.   In this article I will share my opinion of why I think people say marriage is hard.  To all my married readers who have been in it for much longer, I hope you will share even more perspective in the comments.

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12 Biggest Dating Mistakes I Made Before Marriage

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Today’s article list 12 Dating Mistakes I made and what I learned from them.  If one in particular stands out for you, be sure to click on the linked article to read even more on the topic.

#1 Investing too much too soon

In my early to mid 20’s my life was a mess.  I was not financially independent, I bounced between apartments and jobs.  While I should have been spending all of my time investing in myself, I thought I had time, money and effort to invest in men I was dating.  For example: After only 2 dates, I agreed to do a pro-bono project for a guy.  When the project was finished so was the guy. I was pissed with no one to blame but myself.  Furthermore the project did not lead to future paid work. Are you fixing the right person? How investing too much in significant others can be detrimental to your own growth.

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