You Can’t Heal His Heart: A Note to Rebound Chicks

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“Previously published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com.”

If you are a fan of the HBO show “Insecure” then you probably have some opinion of the character Tasha.  In season 1, the lead character Issa breaks up with her long-term boyfriend Lawrence who has been unemployed for some time and lacks confidence in his career direction.  Prior to the breakup, Issa has grown impatient with Lawrence who claims he is “working on his business plan”.  As Issa’s impatience grows and friction builds in the doomed relationship, Lawrence seeks comfort from a brewing friendship with his bank teller Tasha.  After the inevitable breakup of Issa and Lawrence, Tasha is there to console Lawrence and “heal his heart” in hopes of becoming his new girlfriend.  Unfortunately, Tasha’s plan fails and she is nothing but a rebound chick.  Tasha is our perfect example of how trying to heal a man’s broken heart will land you in the rebound chick zone.

Here’s why it won’t work:

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Money & Relationships: Guest post from Know Longer Single

Happy Monday everyone,

I’d like to introduce you to my blogger friends, fellow relationship bloggers Daryl and Dominique!  This week the Know Longer Single Youtubers have provided a guest post response to my article Money, How Much Does it Matter in a Relationship?

Daryl & Dom are always fun to watch with a great dynamic and enlightening perspective.  Enjoy!

You can find more of KnowLongerSingle at:

Youtube: Know Longer Single

Instagram: #knowlongersingle

Facebook: Know Longer Single

Should Single Women Wait 90 Days Before Having Sex?

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If you grew up in a religious household like I did then you were probably told that

good girls wait until marriage.”

Then there was the 6th grade health teacher who told us that

“sex is the greatest gift you’ll ever give to a partner and so you should cherish your virginity and give it to the right person.” 

Her advice was so loosely interpreted that some girls started plotting the loss of their virginity before the end of the class period.

And then there’s Steve Harvey and his 90-Day Rule.  If you haven’t read his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man Steve’s 90 day rule encourages women to wait 90 days before having sex with a man.  The 90 days is compared to the 90 days one must wait to receive benefits at a new job.  He argues that just as a new employer requires vetting time before investing in health insurance and fringe benefits for an employee a woman should require some vetting before giving away sexual benefits.

In this article I’m going to share my opinion and then I’d like to hear yours.  I want to emphasize first that this is only my opinion, and if you disagree that’s cool, no judgement.

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Why People Cheat & Why It Doesn’t Matter if They Do

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I really hate the Maury show.  When it isn’t paternity test, he’s giving someone a lie detector test to see if they were cheating.  If in fact the person passes the lie detector the couple is all of a sudden happy again, hugging and kissing on television.  But how is it forgivable that your partner distrusted you so much that  they brought you on Maury for a lie detector test?  And if you are the accuser, how did you go from months of distrust and anger to instant love and happiness upon finding out your partner hasn’t cheated.  It just makes no sense.  Any couple with this many trust issues has deeper problems than whether or not someone is cheating.  This is why I argue that it doesn’t matter whether or not your spouse or partner is cheating.  If you suspect they are, you already have a a big problem.

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The Danger in Listening to Man Bashing

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If someone compliments my dress I’m likely to respond with a disclaimer.  “Oh thanks, but I need to hem it”.  The disclaimer is so unnecessary.  A simple thanks would suffice.  I do this in almost every category of life.  At work, when I’ve done good work and its complimented I’m quick to deflect.  It’s annoying and I’m working on stopping.  But the one area where it’s more than just annoying, is when talking about your significant other.  Downplaying, giving disclaimers or even deflecting the positive can be downright harmful when it comes to discussing your partner.

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The Mess of Two Dresses: Don’t Let Your Wedding Ruin Your Marriage

The Mess of Two Dresses- Don't Let Your Wedding Ruin Your Marriage

My husband and I had a short 4 month engagement and an under $6,000 wedding.  As a former wedding videographer, I’d attended hundreds of weddings.  I’d even seen couples storm out of their receptions in separate cars, furious with one another under the heightened stress of too much spending and the imperfections of the big day.  Wedding photos were beautiful but behind the scenes a lot of shit went down.  I always knew that if I ever got married, I’d keep things simple, small and drama free.  I didn’t want the frustration of a year of wedding planning to stray my fiance and I away from the ultimate goal of marriage.  Unfortunately, some drama is harder to avoid that we think.   Patiently Waiting to Get Engaged

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Online Dating According to Freakonomics

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Where are single people supposed to meet prospects?  In a lifetime we will only meet 10,000 people, and you’ve probably discovered by now that after completing your highest level of education (whether it be HS, college or graduate school) the rate at which you meet people significantly decreases.  Over the years I’ve met new friends through the workplace, but dating in the workplace is frowned upon.  There’s lots of reasons to “not sh*t where you eat”.   For these reasons many people consider trying online dating.  Online dating provides a huge database of opportunity to filter and meet potential matches.  The idea of it sounds fantastic, but if you’ve tried it you may have found it’s more frustrating that you initially thought it might be.

Is there a science behind online dating?  Are there strategies to utilizing these massive databases effectively? As a huge fan of Freakonomics and the idea of using economics to measure and predict real life processes and social situations I was thrilled to find a podcast all about Online Dating.  What You Don’t Know About Online Dating.
This podcast is great and you should definitely listen for yourself, but in the meantime, here are a few highlights I picked up:

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How Assertive Can Women Be in Dating?

How Aggressive Can Women Be in Dating_(1).pngAre you doing too much, not enough or just the right amount when it comes to dating?  This is such a difficult question to answer.  But let’s start by making one thing clear.   We won’t all agree on how much is too much, and this is a good thing.  It’s good because it means you shouldn’t focus too hard on “messing it up”.  Have you ever had that feeling?  Like you met the perfect person but then you tried too hard and you messed it all up?  Or maybe you didn’t try hard enough and you messed it all up?  This was the story of my dating life. “if only I had, woulda shoulda, coulda, etc.”  But what I eventually realized is that (within reason) with the right person, you can’t mess it up.  All your “extra” that everyone else thinks is too much, will be charming and likeable.  And likewise, even if you’d done everything perfect and exerted the exact right amount of efforts, it wouldn’t work with the wrong person.  It just wouldn’t.  So what then, is the harm in doing too much?

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Be Happy NOW!

Hello ladies,

I’m Nora Nur from the relationship blog Love From the Other Side.  I am honored to be a participant in the Women_Who_Empower_ challenge that has been running June 15, 2017 – June 30, 2017.  For the past week or so the ladies in the challenge have been working toward personal development through goal setting, meditation, journaling, positive thought and so much more.  If you haven’t yet joined the challenge go check it out on the Instagram page women_who_empower_.    Today I was featured to discuss maintaining positive personal development while pursuing and/or maintaining a romantic relationship.  Whether you are in a relationship, dating, or seeking romantic companionship your ability to continually grow your personal development strategies remains vital.

Below are 3 ideas to know and practice daily to help you do this:

#1 Happiness is not a “when event”

Happiness is not a WHEN event

Sometimes we say to ourselves,  “I’ll be happy when I have a healthy romantic relationship”,  or “I’ll be happy with myself and feel beautiful when I lose 20 lbs”.   The problem with this thinking is that the when event either never occurs or it occurs and we still don’t feel happy.  Our happiness should not be conditional upon future events.  If you aren’t happy single, then when the novelty of a new healthy relationship wears off you will go back to being unhappy.  Likewise if you don’t feel beautiful and happy with yourself now, when the novelty of the new weight loss is gone you will go back to feeling discontent.  Dig deeper.  Find inner peace in the right now, and learn to love yourself and your life as it is right now.

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Are you Apologizing Too Much in your Relationship?

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Last night I spilled a 16 ounce bottle of ice water in the master bed while we were laying down watching a movie.  “Move” I screamed, jumping as fast as a six month pregnant woman can jump.  The water was swimming pool cold and all 16 ounces of it had made it’s way out of the bottle, onto the sheets and comforter and was now soaking into the mattress.  “I’m so sorry” I told my husband, expecting him to be pissed.  But to my surprise he was cracking up laughing.  He wasn’t even slightly upset.  He thought it was hilarious.  We grabbed towels, soaked up the water as best we could, then changed the bedding.  A few minutes later we were back in bed continuing the movie.

We’ve been together four years now yet somehow I still forget just how much it takes to make him upset.  He never gets mad over accidental mishaps, and it takes a lot in general to get him upset.  He doesn’t understand why it’s so hard for me to understand this.  The answer lies in the past.

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